Being Alone Isn’t Embarrassing
There is this strange idea travelling through my generation at the moment that doing things alone is almost embarrassing. If you think about it, in your teens and 20s, the likelihood that you are spending time with your peers all the time is quite high. Heck, the stereotype of women always going to the bathroom together, whether it be on a night out or a shopping trip, is one that I can confirm is extremely accurate. But what is it about being alone that makes someone so self-conscious? Is it because it is an irregular feeling? Vulnerable? Or do we rely on others’ judgment who are with us to make decisions on what we want to do? It is a fascinating concept to me.
I do understand that this is something that apparently goes away with age; however, I don’t know if this is actually true. I know plenty of adults who think similarly to the way that most teens feel. The idea that you grow out of the feeling of embarrassment is a case-by-case idea.
I took a trip alone recently, and I will admit I was slightly nervous; however, it very quickly became one of the best trips I have ever been on. Glencoe has been a place dear to my heart since we came up on a family holiday to try skiing for the first time. The feeling of standing at the three sisters lookout point and feeling so incredibly tiny just puts the perspective that one small thing that you feel as though is the biggest deal ever, truly does not matter. You are a speck of dust in comparison to the sheer size of these hills, the feeling is overwhelming, and I crave it.
Reflection is a concept I have learned to embrace recently; I used to hate it. Having to think about why you made that decision and if you would do the same thing again used to be torture for me. I hate thinking about the “What Ifs” in life, as I am scared they could have been better than reality. But this is the first time in a long time that I recently made the best decision for me, and I put myself through hell making it, but the outcome has definitely made up for it. I ended a very big and very important chapter in my life that has had a massive effect on the way I live my life now, but the ending of that chapter allowed me to open an entirely new book, which is better than I could have ever even imagined.
Confidence is not something I have ever really lacked when it comes to doing things alone, as most of my friends and family will verify. I have always been a very independent person; I have never liked the thought of being a burden on others. The ideology that one should find walking into an event alone is not something I have ever really understood, but I am not afraid to admit that it is a situation I have come to find uncomfortable. The “I’m outside” text to a friend to come and retrieve me from the door is a regular occurrence as a young woman because we fear being seen as alone. I just don’t understand where that has stemmed from. I have, up to this point, always happily oblige to be part of that trend; however, that is something I want to change.
Currently, as I am writing this, it is 4:29 am, and I am sitting in Edinburgh Airport awaiting a flight to take me back home to England. Not once have I wished someone were here with me. I find Airports therapeutic when you are alone, all of a sudden you can sit and just people watch. I wonder where people are going, who they are going to and if they are happy being alone.
As the year comes to a close, I am looking back on the things I have achieved this year, 90% of which are things I have achieved with little to no help, and I have done them alone.
I have started this website, moved cities, begun university all over again, met and made friends who I now cannot picture my life without, turned 20, all of which are achievements I am so extremely proud of. But the community I have built on here is probably my biggest achievement, so I have to say thank you. Thank you for being here, thank you for reading, thank you for everything.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of you.
All my love (as always).
T x
